Love Potion Number Thirteen
by Bits And Pieces
Summary: A German scientist decides to test his new discovery on Hogan. But things don't go according to plan...
1. It's always Hogan

A/N: I am posting the second chapter of this story right away, so the title will make more sense. Also, I would like to add a **warning**…this story is not intended to be slash; it is just intended to be funny. (I know, I have a warped sense of humor!) But if any of you have a strong aversion to slash, you might not like it, and it's okay if you don't want to read it.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Hogan's Heroes characters. Doctor Vogel and Ava Jung are strictly from my imagination.

* * *

Newkirk was sitting on a bench just outside the barracks, leaning against the wall. The afternoon sun felt warm on his face, and he closed his eyes and smiled as he tilted his head back a little. He was taking a much-needed break from working down in the cold tunnel for the past several hours, repairing some of their German uniforms. There was still a fair amount of sewing that had to be done, but he was determined to enjoy his brief respite. _Just a few more minutes to warm me bones, _he thought to himself, _then maybe I can face another 'our or two in that bleedin' tunnel!_

Just then he heard a car approaching from the direction of the main gate. He opened his eyes and watched as it made its way across the compound, stopping in front of Klink's office. The driver quickly hopped out and went around to open the back door of the car, holding it wide to allow the occupants inside to exit the vehicle. Out stepped General Burkhalter, followed by a rather short, balding man in civilian clothes. But the third passenger to emerge really got his attention; a tall, slender, beautiful Fraulein with shoulder-length blonde hair, and legs that went on forever. He watched, mesmerized, as she made her way up the steps, heading for Klink's office with the other visitors. As soon as they entered the building and shut the door, the spell was broken. _Better tell the Colonel. _He got up and went into the barracks.

When he got inside, he noticed LeBeau standing over the stove, fussing over some concoction that was bubbling merrily away in a big pot. He remembered him mentioning something about a new recipe, and he inwardly shuddered. _Why can't 'e make somethin' normal, just once? Like, fish and chips?_ He began to drool at the thought, and pushed it aside quickly.

"Hey, Newkirk," LeBeau looked up from his newest creation, "Back so soon? I thought you were taking a break."

"I was," Newkirk answered, "But ol' Klink just got some visitors. Where's the Colonel?"

LeBeau tilted his head in the direction of Hogan's quarters. "In there," he replied, and then turned his attention back to the stove.

Newkirk went over and knocked on the door. When he heard Hogan call out, "Come in," he opened the door and entered the small room. Hogan was seated at his desk, looking over some maps that the Underground had passed to them, showing the location of several new factories that were being built.

Hogan looked up when Newkirk entered, and asked absently, "What's up?"

"Colonel, General Burkhalter just went into Klink's office, and he 'ad two civilians with 'im. I thought you might want to listen in."

"Burkhalter? With civilians? That can't be good. Yeah, thanks, Newkirk," he added, noticing that the Corporal was already setting up the coffee pot. As soon as it was plugged in, they heard the unmistakable voice of Colonel Klink welcoming the General into his office.

"_General Burkhalter! What a pleasant surprise! And I see you've brought guests with you. Please, come in!"_

"_Klink, this isn't a social visit. This is Doctor Vogel, and his assistant, Ava Jung." _

Newkirk whistled. "And quite the looker she is, too, sir!" He smiled at Hogan, who just smirked at him.

"_I have brought them here because they are working on a new interrogation technique which, so far, has proven to be very successful."_

_A new interrogation technique, Herr General?"_

"_Yes, Klink. And I have been…urged, you might say, to allow them to try it out on one of your prisoners."_

"I knew it!" Newkirk huffed. "Blimey, Colonel, every time they come up with somethin' new, they just can't wait to come 'ere and…"

"Shhh," Hogan interrupted him, "I want to hear the rest."

"_Of course,_ _Herr General! My prisoners are your prisoners!"_

"_I thought you would feel that way, Klink."_

"_So, Doctor Vogel, if I may ask, did you have a particular prisoner in mind?"_

"_Yes, Colonel Klink. I am most interested in your Colonel Hogan."_

"Oh, bloody 'ell, I just knew 'e was goin' to say that," Newkirk sighed in disgust.

Hogan nodded; his expression hardening. "So did I," he replied.

"_Klink, I want you to set up a dinner party for tonight, and invite Colonel Hogan to join us. Everything will be explained then. In the meantime, you will have someone escort Doctor Vogel and Fraulein Jung to the guest quarters, where they can freshen up. I will make myself comfortable in your quarters for now."_

"_Oh, yes, General, by all means! I'll have Schultz take the Doctor and his lovely assistant to the guest quarters right away!"_

Hogan reached up and unplugged the coffee pot. "Looks like I'm going to be their special guest for dinner," he muttered.

Newkirk was thinking furiously. "Hey, what if you pretend you're sick, sir, and whatever you've got is contagious? They wouldn't want you joinin' 'em then, would they?"

"Nice idea, Newkirk, but it would only delay them for a little while. I'm sure if they're determined to try some new trick on me that they've got up their sleeve, they'll do it."

"Colonel, you can't just waltz over there and let them…"

Newkirk was interrupted by a knock on the door. After Hogan called out, "Come in," the door opened, and Kinch was standing there.

"What's up, Kinch?" Hogan asked.

"London's on the radio, Colonel," Kinch informed him. "They want to talk to you right now, in private."

"All right," Hogan said, "Newkirk, while I'm gone, why don't you get LeBeau in here and fill him and Kinch in on what's happening? Then find Carter and let him know, too. Oh, and tell LeBeau that he's going to be cooking dinner for Klink and his guests tonight." Then Hogan headed out of his quarters, and made a beeline for their entrance to the tunnels below. He hit the lever for the false-bottom bunk, and after it banged open, he climbed onto the ladder and descended to the main tunnel area below.

Newkirk waved LeBeau into Hogan's quarters, and proceeded to tell him and Kinch what they'd heard in Klink's office, also informing the Frenchman that he would have to cook for the dinner party. LeBeau was properly annoyed, and let them know with a stream of French expletives that neither Newkirk nor Kinch could understand. After he was through, the door to Hogan's quarters opened and Carter entered, having been shooed up to the barracks by the Colonel, who had noticed him working on something in his lab. Newkirk then filled Carter in, and by the time he was done, Hogan reentered the room, having finished his conversation with London.

"I just got word from London," Hogan said, glancing at each of his men, "Apparently they know about this doctor, and that he's discovered some kind of new drug that makes people tell them anything they want to know."

"You mean, like truth serum, Colonel?" Kinch asked.

"Probably, only this stuff is supposed to be much more reliable. London wants us to get a sample of it so we can send it to them for analysis."

"Oh, just like that!" Newkirk exclaimed. He walked up to Kinch and stated, "Excuse me, Doctor, but the Allies would really like to get their 'ands on what you've invented. So be a good German and 'and it over, will you?" Newkirk snorted in disgust and rolled his eyes.

"He's got a point, Colonel," Carter piped up, "How are we supposed to get a sample?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Hogan replied, and began to fill them in on his plan. "Newkirk, you and Carter will be acting as waiters tonight. As soon as you get over there, Newkirk, I want you to find which room Klink had the guests leave their coats, and whatever else they brought with them, and search everything. My guess is you'll be looking for some kind of vial with a liquid in it. If you find it, bring it back to the kitchen. LeBeau, you'll bring a small container with you when you go to the kitchen, something with a cover. When Newkirk brings you the drug, I want you to dump it into the container, and give it to Kinch, who will be waiting outside. He'll bring it back here."

"What do I do with the vial then, Colonel?" Newkirk asked.

"Fill it with water, and return it to wherever you found it." Hogan told him.

Carter looked confused. "But, Colonel, what if they decide to use it on you?"

"I've already thought of that," Hogan reassured him. "Newkirk, when you return the vial, I want you to hit it, just enough to create a crack in the container, and then put it back. The water will leak out, and they'll just think it broke while being jostled around in transit."

When he was through, the men nodded, looking satisfied. He then sent Newkirk, Kinch and Carter out of his quarters so he could go over a few details of the dinner with Lebeau.

The French corporal emerged a few minutes later, just as Schultz was entering the barracks. The big German guard informed Hogan that his presence was required at the dinner party that Klink was having in his quarters later that evening, and also to tell him that the Kommandant wanted LeBeau to cook for it. LeBeau did his best to put up a show by trying to argue his way out of it, but, in the end, he acquiesced. Then Schultz left, and LeBeau headed for the kitchen to begin his preparations.

Evening was upon them all too quickly, and Hogan began to get ready; washing up, shaving, and putting on his dress uniform. He'd already sent Newkirk, Kinch and Carter on ahead. After he glanced one last time in the mirror, he let out a sigh, and took off for Klink's quarters.

* * * * * *

As Carter and Newkirk were setting up for the dinner, the Englishman slipped away briefly in search of the room where the guests had stashed their coats and things. He discovered them in Klink's bedroom, which he found rather odd; usually they'd be piled up in the guest bedroom. He darted inside and made a quick search, but found nothing. Disappointed, he emerged cautiously from the room and hurried back to the kitchen.

"Did you find it?" LeBeau asked eagerly when Newkirk appeared.

Newkirk shook his head. "No, Louis, it wasn't there. That doctor must 'ave 'idden it somewhere else."

Just then they heard a knock on the door to Klink's quarters, and they peeked out of the kitchen in time to see Schultz answer it, revealing Hogan standing there, a mock expression of joviality on his face.

"Hope I'm not late for the party," Hogan called out as he strode into the room. His gaze first landed on Burkhalter, who was seated on one of the plush chairs; and Klink, as usual, was hovering over him. But it didn't take more than a second for his attention to be drawn to the woman sitting on the couch. Newkirk wasn't kidding when he called her a 'looker'. Her blonde hair cascaded to her shoulders in loose curls, and the light blue dress she was wearing was simple, yet did nothing to detract from her agreeable figure. And her legs caused a few ungentlemanly thoughts to enter into his mind, although he tried his best to push them aside.

Hogan's eyes then flitted briefly to the man seated on the opposite end of the couch; who, of course, had to be Doctor Vogel. His gaze then returned to the buxom blonde, and he flashed her his most charming smile. "Kommandant, you didn't tell me you were entertaining such a lovely guest," he said politely, directing his statement at Klink, while keeping his eyes on the blonde.

"Colonel Hogan," Burkhalter's voice piped up from the chair adjacent to him, "I would like you to meet Doctor Vogel, and his assistant, Ava Jung."

It's a pleasure to meet you, Doctor," Hogan said, glancing once more at him, then back to Ava, "Miss Jung."

"The pleasure's all mine," Ava replied and smiled sweetly at him. "Please, Colonel, have a seat." She patted the empty space on the couch next to her.

"Don't mind if I do," Hogan responded, and sat down.

Ava turned toward him and asked, "So, what's it like being a prisoner of war? They tell me you've been here for almost two years now."

"Has it been that long?" Hogan remarked, directing all of his attention at her.

Ava's eyes twinkled at him, and then they suddenly grew wide. "Oh, but where are our manners? You must be thirsty. Let me fix you a drink." She placed her hand on his knee as she stood up. Hogan and the rest of the men began to rise, but she waved them off. "Please, stay seated, I'll just be a minute."

Ava walked over to the small table near the wall where several bottles of alcohol had been set up. She selected the brandy, and poured a few ounces into a glass. Then she slipped something out of the pocket of her dress, a vial of some sort, containing a small amount of liquid. She removed the top and dumped the liquid into Hogan's glass, then put the top back on and slid the vial back into her pocket. No one saw her.


	2. Wrong place, wrong time

After fixing Hogan's drink, Ava returned to the group, where the men were chatting idly about the weather, and handed Hogan the glass. Then she took her seat next to him. "I hope you like brandy, Colonel," she said.

"Yes, thank you," Hogan answered, smiling at her. "But, to be honest, I could use something to eat to go with this. I don't think it's wise to drink on an empty stomach."

As if on cue, Newkirk and Carter emerged from the kitchen, each carrying a large plate filled with hors d'oeuvres. They lowered their plates down to the seated guests, letting them choose from the appetizing selection that LeBeau had prepared. Hogan reached up to grab what looked like a cracker with some kind of pâté on it from the plate that Carter was holding. When he pulled it off the plate, he dropped it right into his lap; upside down.

"Oops, that was very clumsy of me!" Hogan exclaimed as he stood up, brushing at his pants where the morsel had landed. "Excuse me, I'll be right back." He headed toward the kitchen, drink still in hand, while motioning to Newkirk and Carter to continue serving. A few moments later he returned, and it was obvious that he had used a damp towel in the kitchen to clean the spot. He sat back down and took another hors d'oeuvres, this time being careful not to drop it. After popping it into his mouth, he chewed and swallowed it, and then downed his drink in two gulps. "So, where were we?" He said at last, noticing that everyone seemed to be waiting for him.

The group busied themselves with small talk for a few minutes, when all of a sudden they noticed that Hogan was beginning to look very tired. His eyes were growing heavy, and his head was starting to droop.

"Colonel, are you all right?" Ava asked him with concern. She glanced at Vogel and then back at Hogan. "Perhaps you would like to lie down?"

"Wha…at?" Hogan croaked out.

Ava and Vogel both stood up, helping Hogan to his feet. They guided him to the guest bedroom and sat him down on the bed, where he immediately fell back on the mattress, fast asleep. Then they exited the room and closed the door, returning to the parlor to rejoin Burkhalter and Klink.

While Vogel and Ava were helping Hogan down the hall, Newkirk, Carter and LeBeau watched from the kitchen doorway.

"That bloody doctor, 'e put it in 'is drink!" Newkirk exclaimed, trying to keep his voice low. "No tellin' what they're goin' to do to 'im now."

Carter looked at him worriedly. "Well, what can _we_ do, Newkirk?" He asked the Englishman.

Newkirk's face took on a look of determination. "I know what _I'm_ goin' to do," he said as he headed for the door of the kitchen that led outside, "I'm goin' to sneak into that room through the window, and see if the gov'nor's all right."

"No, Newkirk, wait!" LeBeau called out after him, but he was already gone.

Carter looked at LeBeau curiously. "Why don't you want Newkirk to check on the Colonel?"

LeBeau sighed. "I just don't want him to get caught in there."

Newkirk stepped out into the cold night air, and, seeing no guards in the immediate vicinity, crept along the building to the window that led to Klink's guest bedroom. He mentally crossed his fingers as he reached up to open it; fortunately, it was unlocked. He looked around once more, and, pulling the two sides of the window open, climbed in.

When he got inside, he shut the window quickly, and hurried over to the bed, where Hogan was stretched out on his back, appearing to be fast asleep. He sat down on the edge of the bed and reached up to shake Hogan's shoulder gently. "Colonel," he said quietly, "It's time to wake up." There was no response. He brought his hand up to Hogan's cheek and tapped it lightly. "C'mon, gov'nor, you need to wake up now, this is no time to be sleepin' on the job…please, Colonel, open your eyes…"

Back in the parlor, Vogel and Ava took their seats on the couch, and the doctor at last began to explain to Burkhalter and Klink what they were doing. "I've developed a new drug that has been very successful in extracting information from captured Allied prisoners. My assistant here, Fraulein Jung, slipped it into Colonel Hogan's drink. He will sleep for a few more minutes, and then Fraulein Jung will go into the room and wake him."

"You see, General," Ava now took over, "I'm really Gestapo. The drug works by causing the prisoner to, 'fall in love,' you might say, with the first person they see when they wake up. That will be me, of course. When Colonel Hogan opens his eyes, he will fall madly in love with me, and will tell me anything I want to know. We have already tested it on several men, and it has proven to be very successful."

From the kitchen doorway, LeBeau gave out a low whistle. "Sacre chat! So that is what they are up to!"

"What are we going to do, Louis?" Carter whispered at him.

"I don't know, Carter. Hopefully Newkirk will be able to wake up the Colonel, and get him to snap out of it."

* * * * * *

Newkirk was becoming worried; Hogan wasn't waking up. He shook his shoulder again, a little harder, and leaned in closer to his ear. "Colonel, you 'ave to wake up now, I've got to get you out of 'ere."

At last Hogan let out a groan, and his eyes fluttered open. He blinked rapidly a few times and peered at Newkirk in complete confusion. "Nnn….Newkirk? Is…is that you?" Hogan managed to stutter.

Newkirk smiled wide. "Yes, sir, it's me, Newkirk! It's time to get up, Colonel. You think you can sit up?"

Suddenly the door to the guest bedroom opened as Ava entered. "Colonel, it's time for you to wake up…" It was then she noticed Newkirk sitting there. "What are you doing in here, Corporal?" She demanded in an angry voice, "Get out of here this instant!" She stuck her head back in the hallway and shouted, "Guard!"

Schultz, who had been loitering near the kitchen entrance, pretending to guard the prisoners while sneaking tidbits off the plate of hors d'oeuvres as Carter and Newkirk had passed by him earlier, heard Ava yell, and hurried down the hall to the guest bedroom.

Klink jumped to his feet. "I'll go and see what's happening, Herr General," he told him, and followed after Schultz.

Schultz reached the bedroom and entered, looking first to the Gestapo woman who had called for him, and then spotting Newkirk sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand still on Hogan's shoulder. "Was ist los?" He exclaimed, "Newkirk, what are you doing in here?"

"I already asked him that, Sergeant!" Ava snapped at Schultz, "Get him out of here, now!"

"Jawohl, Fraulein," Schultz replied nervously. He motioned for Newkirk to get up, and as the Corporal stood, he heard the Kommandant's voice directly behind him, coming from the doorway.

"Schultz! You were supposed to be guarding the prisoners!" Klink yelled, "How did Corporal Newkirk get in here?"

Schultz whirled around, as well as he was able, and blurted out fearfully, "I don't know, Herr Kommandant!"

"I came in through the bleedin' window!" Newkirk finally spoke up, letting his own anger show. "I wanted to see if the Colonel needed my 'elp. Just what 'ave you done to 'im, anyway?" He directed his question at Ava.

"That's none of your business!" Ava shouted at him. "Now, get out, or I'll have you taken in to Gestapo Headquarters for interrogation!"

Newkirk glared at her and walked out of the room, followed by Schultz. As they passed Klink, the Kommandant gave them both a stern look, and then turned back to Ava.

"I'm terribly sorry for this interruption…" Klink started to apologize.

"Just get out!" Ava ordered, cutting him off. When everyone had left, she strode over and shut the door. Then she took a deep breath to calm her nerves, turned around, and walked over to the bed, sitting on the same spot that Newkirk had occupied only a few minutes ago. She looked down at Hogan and picked up his hand, holding it gently between her own. Then she smiled sweetly at him, noticing that he was still in the process of waking up. "Don't worry, my love," she cooed, "Everyone is gone now…we're all alone."

Hogan blinked a few times, then his eyes squinted at her in confusion. "Who are you?" he asked.

"My darling, don't you remember? I'm Ava…we met earlier this evening."

Hogan stared at her for a moment, his confusion growing. "Ava?" he said at last.

"Yes! You do remember!" She reached up and touched his cheek lightly. "Isn't there something you want to tell me, darling?" she replied softly.

"Yeah…where's Newkirk?"

Now it was Ava's turn to be confused. "Who?" she asked, still smiling, but a feeling was starting to grow in her that something was wrong.

"Newkirk…where's Newkirk?" Hogan suddenly sat up in bed and looked around the room frantically. "I have to find Newkirk!" He got up and, as he headed for the door, started calling out, "Newkirk! Newkirk!"

Ava walked up and grabbed his arm, trying to get his attention, but he pulled away from her, yanked the door open, and rushed out of the room.

* * * * * *

"I see you have discovered the problem, Klink," Burkhalter said as Newkirk, Schultz and Klink returned to the parlor. "Tell me, how did a prisoner get into your guest bedroom?"

Klink cleared his throat. "He climbed in through the window, General," he stated nervously.

"I see," Burkhalter replied coolly, "And where were the guards that were supposed to be patrolling outside?"

"I promise you, Herr General, I will find out, and they will be severely punished!"

Just then they heard Hogan calling out Newkirk's name from the guest bedroom. They turned to look in the direction they'd just come from, and saw the American Colonel striding towards them.

Hogan's gaze landed immediately on Newkirk, and he headed straight for him. When he caught up to him, he threw his arms around him and hugged him tight, sighing in contentment.

Ava was right behind him, and when she saw Hogan embracing the Corporal who had initially woken him, her eyes widened with disbelief. It couldn't be…could it?

Newkirk was thoroughly taken by surprise. "Colonel, are you all right?" He asked, reflexively putting his arms around Hogan, wondering if he was hurt or something.

"I am now," Hogan responded quietly, and pulled Newkirk closer.

"What's going on here?" Burkhalter bellowed.

Vogel looked at Ava, noticing her confused expression. "What happened in there, Fraulein?" He asked her.

"I…don't understand it, Doctor Vogel. When I entered the room, this Englander was sitting with Colonel Hogan, and the Colonel appeared to be awake." Suddenly she sucked in her breath. "You don't think…?"

Vogel frowned. "No, that's not possible. The drug doesn't work that way."

Newkirk, who had missed the conversation earlier about how the drug was supposed to work, had no idea what they were talking about. All he knew was that he had a Colonel hugging him, who didn't seem to making any move to let him go. He decided he better do something, so he pulled his arms up between Hogan and himself, and pushed the Colonel away gently. Hogan looked at him, and for a moment appeared to be overcome with hurt and confusion. But then his face brightened, and he wrapped his arms once again around Newkirk.

Vogel watched the interaction, and his brow furrowed as he contemplated for a moment. "Perhaps it does work that way, after all," he finally muttered, more to himself, "I mean, we never tried it, so I suppose it's possible…"

Newkirk was rapidly becoming uncomfortable, to say the least. "Will someone please tell me what the bloody 'ell is going on, 'ere?"

Vogel looked at Newkirk with what appeared to be sympathy. "You were the first person Colonel Hogan saw when he woke up, is that correct?" he asked him

"Yeah, so?" Newkirk uttered while trying to push Hogan off of him again. But the Colonel wasn't letting go so easily this time.

"Then I hate to be the one to tell you this," Vogel said, "But Colonel Hogan is in love with you."


	3. In the cooler

Not a sound was heard for the next five seconds or so as the occupants of the room digested Doctor Vogel's announcement. At last one word rang out, breaking the silence, coming from the person most affected by the unexpected turn of events.

"What?" Newkirk exclaimed in utter confusion, trying to convince himself that he couldn't possibly have heard the doctor's statement correctly.

"I said, Colonel Hogan is in love with you, Corporal," Vogel repeated.

Newkirk couldn't believe it. "Oh, you're jokin'; you 'ave to be!" He started pushing on Hogan in earnest, trying to extricate himself from the colonel's embrace. At last Hogan let go, but before Newkirk could breathe a sigh of relief, Hogan had latched onto his arm, circling his own arms around it, and was looking at him with an expression that Newkirk had never seen directed at him before. "Colonel?" Newkirk said to him, an uneasy feeling now forming in his gut, "Tell 'im he's jokin'!"

Hogan gazed into Newkirk's eyes, his emotions radiating out to him, and replied simply, "I love you."

Newkirk's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "What?" He exclaimed for the second time in the past minute.

Burkhalter, who had been watching the entire scene with interest, now leaned forward in his chair. "Doctor Vogel, how is this possible?" He asked the question that was on all their minds.

Vogel reached up and began to stroke his chin. "Apparently the drug is stronger than I thought. It never occurred to me that it would work on someone of the same…gender. Of course, we never tried it…"

"In other words," Burkhalter cut in, "It doesn't matter who wakes the subject up first; whoever it is, that is the person he will fall in love with."

Newkirk, who had turned his attention to the conversation between Vogel and Burkhalter, blurted out, "Are you sayin' this 'as somethin' to do with that drug you gave 'im?"

"Yes, Corporal," Vogel answered, and went on to fill him in on how it was supposed to work. When he finished, Newkirk appeared to be thinking it over.

"So," Newkirk said at last, "Since I was the first person 'e saw when 'e woke up, I'm the one 'e fell in love with, is that what you're tellin' me?"

Vogel nodded. "That's correct."

Just then Hogan reached up and began to stroke Newkirk's cheek.

"Well then, 'ow do you make it stop?" Newkirk asked in frustration while batting Hogan's hand away.

"There's no way to stop it," Vogel informed him, with more than a hint of sympathy in his voice, "You'll just have to wait for it to wear off."

Newkirk sighed. "And 'ow long is that goin' to take?"

"Oh, approximately twenty-four hours," Vogel replied.

Newkirk stared at Vogel for a moment. "What?" He exclaimed again; the one word that seemed to be stuck at the forefront of his vocabulary. "I 'ave to put up with this for a bloomin' day?"

Ava, who had been holding her tongue so far, mostly out of shock, now interjected, "Well, this is just great! How am I supposed to get any information out of Colonel Hogan, now?"

"Why don't you tell Corporal Newkirk to ask him for you, Fraulein Jung?" Burkhalter suggested, an amused expression forming on his face.

"I don't think that will work, Herr General," Ava answered, visibly attempting to hold her temper in check. Then she directed her irritation at Vogel. "Apparently your drug needs further testing, Doctor. I will have to report this failure to my superiors, you know, and I guarantee you they will not be too happy about it."

Vogel swallowed nervously. "Fraulein, I assure you, I will correct whatever problems there are. I hardly think it's necessary to go to your superiors…"

"That's out of my hands," she shot back, "I was expected to obtain information from Colonel Hogan, and obviously I wasn't able to. They will want to know why." She turned to look at Hogan, and let out a sigh. "Pity, he was the most attractive man I've been assigned to." Then she looked at Newkirk and scowled. "You certainly have made a mess of things, Corporal," she said to him, then a cruel smile formed on her face. "I hope you enjoy your time with Colonel Hogan!" She laughed callously, and left to gather her things.

When she'd gone, Vogel looked at Burkhalter. "General, I would like to remain here for a while, to observe how the drug is affecting Colonel Hogan."

"An excellent idea, Doctor," Burkhalter replied, "I'm sure Colonel Klink won't mind." He turned his head to look at Klink.

"Not at all, General," Klink quickly responded, then turned to address Vogel. "Doctor Vogel, you're welcome to stay as long as you like."

Vogel nodded politely. "Thank you, Colonel Klink."

Burkhalter then rose from his chair. "I will be returning to Berlin with Fraulein Jung. I have my own report to make. Klink, I expect you to keep me informed of this 'situation'," he said as he glanced over at Hogan and Newkirk. Hogan was clinging to the Englishman's arm, gazing at him like a love-struck teenager, and suddenly he found himself resisting the urge to burst out laughing. This was certainly the strangest problem he'd ever had to deal with!

"Yes, sir, I will keep you informed." Klink replied, then signaled to Schultz, "Sergeant, go get the general's things from my bedroom."

"That won't be necessary," Burkhalter said, "I can get them myself. Besides, Klink, shouldn't you be taking care of these prisoners?" He waved his hand in the direction of Hogan and Newkirk, clearing his throat to hide the chuckle that was trying to force its way through.

"Yes, General," Klink nodded. "Schultz, take Corporal Newkirk to the cooler. That's what he gets for breaking into my guest bedroom!"

"Excuse me, Colonel Klink?" Vogel spoke up, "You need to keep these men together. If you separate them, Colonel Hogan will become horribly despondent. It's another effect of the drug; the subject can't bear to be apart from the person they've fallen in love with."

"Oh, all right," Klink snapped irritably, "Schultz, take them both to the cooler!"

* * * * * *

From the kitchen entrance, LeBeau and Carter watched, wide-eyed, the scene taking place in the parlor. They both seemed to be in shock, frozen to their spot, snapping out of it only after Schultz started to lead Hogan and Newkirk away. Then they looked at each other, neither one knowing what to say. At last LeBeau said, "We have to tell Kinch."

"Yeah, he's right outside, isn't he?" Carter turned to head for the door leading out from the kitchen, when LeBeau stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Wait, I just remembered, he was, but he had to go back to the barracks. He said there were too many guards patrolling outside the building, and he didn't want to get caught."

"Well, what should we do, Louis?"

LeBeau thought for a moment. "Go back to the barracks and find Kinch; let him know what's going on. I can take care of things here in the kitchen."

"Are you sure?"

"Oui, André. It doesn't look like there's going to be a dinner party, anyway."

* * * * * *

As Schultz escorted Hogan and Newkirk to the cooler, he couldn't help noticing that Hogan held onto Newkirk's arm the entire way. When they arrived at the building, he led them to one of the bigger cells, thinking they would be more comfortable there. Doctor Vogel had tagged along, and as Schultz unlocked the door and motioned the prisoners inside, the doctor followed.

"I'd like to talk to Corporal Newkirk for a few minutes, Sergeant," Vogel said.

"Jawohl, Herr Doctor," Schultz replied, and then left, shutting and locking the door behind him.

When Schultz had gone, Newkirk looked at Hogan, something he had been avoiding as much as possible, and, seeing the Colonel staring at him with that same expression of adoration in his eyes, realized he'd had enough. He started to pull his arm out of Hogan's grasp, saying, "Okay, Colonel, you can let go, now. Why don't you go 'ave a seat on the cot, and rest a bit?"

But when Newkirk had freed his arm, Hogan just wrapped his arms around him again, hugging him tightly. "No, I can't let you go, Newkirk," he replied softly into Newkirk's ear.

Newkirk was beyond frustrated at this point. He brought his hands up and pushed with all his might, forcing Hogan to not only let go, but actually take a few steps back to keep from falling. "Colonel, stop it!" Newkirk exclaimed angrily.

"Corporal?" Vogel interjected, trying to get Newkirk's attention, "There's something I need to tell you…"

But before Vogel could finish, Hogan let out the most pitiful moan they'd ever heard, and his face transformed into a mask of anguish and despair. His eyes began to water, and tears started falling down his cheeks.

Newkirk's anger quickly changed to concern. "Doctor, what's wrong with im?" he asked Vogel.

"That's what I need to tell you, Corporal," Vogel said, "The person who has been given the drug will react very badly if he is rejected by the one he's fallen in love with. That's why the drug works so well. If the subject won't talk, our agent simply pushes him away; becomes angry with him, refuses to be with him. Then he becomes so despondent, that when she agrees to accept him again, he's more than happy to tell her anything."

"Cor! That's diabolical, that is!" Newkirk exclaimed, then suddenly became alarmed as Hogan wrapped his arms around himself, and another wail escaped his lips.

"If you deny him close contact with you," Vogel informed Newkirk, "He will completely fall apart. I've seen it happen before."

Newkirk looked at the Doctor, then at Hogan, then at the Doctor again. "You sure there's no other way?"

"I'm sure," Vogel replied.

Newkirk heaved a sigh of resignation and turned to Hogan. "All right, Colonel, if it makes you feel better, you can 'old on to me."

Hogan's face lit up. He stopped crying and strode quickly up to Newkirk, throwing his arms around him again. "Oh, Newkirk, I love you!"

Newkirk reached up and patted him on the back. "I know, sir," he said, while inwardly rolling his eyes. _Blimey, they don't bloody pay me enough for this!_

Just then Schultz returned, opening the door to the cell, and informed the Doctor that General Burkhalter wanted to see him before he left. Vogel exited the cell, and Schultz once more closed and locked the door, leaving Newkirk alone with Hogan.

Newkirk stood there for a moment, then leaned back a little to look at Hogan. "Colonel, why don't we sit down on the cot? I'm a bit tired of standin' 'ere like this."

"Okay," Hogan answered, his eyes twinkling at him. He removed his arms from around Newkirk, and latched onto his arm again. They walked over to the cot and, after Newkirk took his seat, Hogan sat down next to him, scooting snugly up against him. Then Hogan put his arm around Newkirk's shoulders and pulled him close.

Newkirk instinctively leaned away from him, and said, "'Ow about you just 'old my 'and?" as he reached up to remove Hogan's arm around him.

Hogan looked disappointed, but he brought his arm down, and grasped Newkirk's hand tightly. Then his face brightened, and he went back to gazing lovingly at Newkirk.

Newkirk tried to flash him a smile, but it came out more as a grimace. He turned his head and stared out into the cell, wondering how he was ever going to get through a whole day of this. As he sat there, thinking, he started to realize how chilly it was in that cold stone cell, and he involuntarily shivered. Suddenly Hogan let go of his hand and threw his arm around him again.

Newkirk's head snapped back to look at him. "What are you doin', Colonel?" he asked warily.

"You're shivering," Hogan replied, "I want to keep you warm." He pulled Newkirk closer to him and slid his other arm around the Corporal's waist.

"Colonel…" Newkirk saw the sheer joy radiating out of Hogan's eyes, and he let out a sigh. "Thanks," he muttered, finally giving in and letting Hogan hold him. Yes, this was definitely going to be the longest twenty-four hours of his life.


	4. Newkirk's bad day

A/N: I just thought I'd mention that the title to this story was inspired by an old tune called, _Love Potion No. 9_, as performed by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. Guess that shows how old I am!

* * *

For the next few minutes Newkirk sat there on the cot next to Hogan, staring out into the cell, trying his best to relax despite having the Colonel's arms wrapped around him. They'd both fallen silent, although he could feel Hogan's eyes on him, and for some reason, it was making him more uncomfortable than the physical contact. As he was debating whether he should say something, Hogan finally spoke.

"Are you warm enough, Newkirk?" he asked.

"Uh, yes, sir, I'm fine," Newkirk answered while continuing to stare straight ahead, desperate to avoid eye contact with him.

"Are you sure?" Hogan almost imperceptibly drew him closer.

Newkirk tensed. "Trust me, Colonel, I'm warm enough," he replied, consciously trying to shift away from Hogan, at least to regain the ground he'd just lost. He had to admit; though, he wasn't lying. Hogan's embrace really had warmed him up quite a bit.

Just then Hogan brought his arm up from around Newkirk's waist and placed his hand gently on the corporal's cheek; the one opposite of where he sat. "Newkirk," he uttered softly, while turning Newkirk's face towards him.

As much as Newkirk wanted to shut his eyes tight, and pretend he was anywhere but here, he dared to look into Hogan's eyes, and the intense desire emanating from them caused him to involuntarily suck in his breath.

"Peter…" Hogan whispered, and started to lean in slowly.

Newkirk's eyes popped wide as he realized what Hogan was doing. He leaped to his feet so quickly that they actually left the floor for a millisecond. Then he backed up a few steps, holding his arms stretched out in front of him, palms facing Hogan, like he was trying to ward him off.

"Oh, no you don't, Colonel!" he practically shouted, shaking his head, "You're not touchin' me anymore…I've 'ad all I can bloody take of this!"

Hogan's face fell. His eyes started to tear up again, and that same horrible, pitiful moan forced its way out of his mouth. "Nooo," he wailed as he started sobbing, hitching his breath every few words, "Newkirk…I can't…go on…without you…"

Newkirk stood there, watching Hogan slide into despair, and knew he couldn't let it continue; not when he had the power to stop it. But that meant letting Hogan put his hands on him again, and he just didn't know if he could tolerate it anymore. And what if the Colonel made another pass at him? What if, next time, he didn't get away quickly enough? The thought made him shudder, and he was about to tell Hogan that he'd just have to deal with it, when Hogan let out another agonizing wail.

"Oh, for…" Newkirk muttered irritably, rolling his eyes, and then went over and sat down next to Hogan, putting his arm around his shoulders. "There, there, Colonel, it's all right. I didn't mean to upset you."

Hogan grabbed Newkirk and hugged him fiercely, burying his face in Newkirk's neck. "Oh, Newkirk," he said, his voice sounding muffled as he talked against the corporal's sweater, "Please don't leave me."

"I'm not goin' anywhere, sir," Newkirk reassured him, "But we're goin' to 'ave to lay some ground rules, 'ere. Tell you what, you can 'ang onto me if it'll keep you from cryin', but if you try anythin' – and I mean, anythin' – I won't 'esitate to knock you flat on your arse, officer or no! Got it?"

Newkirk felt Hogan nod against his neck. "Okay, Newkirk, I'll do anything you say, I promise!"

"That's all I ask," Newkirk replied, grinning at Hogan's response.

Suddenly the cement block on the far wall began to move, and as it swung open, Kinch popped his head in. He immediately spotted Hogan and Newkirk sitting on the cot, and noticed the colonel had his arms around the Englishman, hugging him tightly. He hesitated for only a moment, and then entered the cell.

Carter crawled in right behind him, and did a double-take when he saw the two men on the cot. Even though he knew what was going on, it still shocked him.

Newkirk saw them enter, and reached up to pull Hogan's arms from around him. The colonel let go, leaning back a little, a questioning look in his eyes. Newkirk smiled at him and, grabbing his hand, motioned to their visitors. Hogan glanced over and saw Kinch and Carter, then looked back at Newkirk and smiled. Then Hogan once more put one arm around Newkirk's shoulders, the other around his waist, and went back to gazing at him while holding him snugly against himself. Newkirk looked at Kinch and sighed.

"Are we interrupting something, Newkirk?" Kinch asked, trying to hide the smirk that was threatening to take over his face.

"Now, don't you start, mate," Newkirk retorted, pursing his lips in irritation. "If you 'ad any idea what I've 'ad to put up with in 'ere…"

"I can guess," Kinch cut in, and then the smirk appeared on his face anyway, despite his valiant attempts to squelch it.

Carter, who was staring at Hogan and Newkirk, wide-eyed, still trying to comprehend the situation, now piped up. "Gosh, it sure seems like the colonel really _is_ in love with you, doesn't it, Newkirk? I mean, the way he's looking at you and all…"

Newkirk scowled at him. "Andrew, the gov'nor's not really in love with me, it's that ruddy drug they gave 'im. And as soon as it wears off, he'll be back to 'is old self, which won't come bloody soon enough for me!"

"Oh, yeah," Carter replied. "Hey, do you think he'll remember all this?"

Newkirk shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, Andrew," he told him, "The doctor didn't say. I'll 'ave to ask 'im, next time 'e comes by."

Carter thought about it for a moment. "Well, maybe it's good if the colonel doesn't remember. He's gonna be really embarrassed if he does."

"In that case, let me tell 'im," Newkirk smirked.

"Are you sure you want him to know, Newkirk?" Kinch asked, raising his eyebrow.

Newkirk glanced at Hogan, then back at Kinch. "Maybe not," he answered.

Kinch chuckled, then said, "We just came by to let you know that Burkhalter and that Gestapo woman left, and LeBeau's finishing up in the kitchen. He's gonna sneak you guys in some dinner later."

"Thanks, Kinch," Newkirk replied.

"Is there anything else you need, buddy?" Carter asked him.

"A blanket or two would be nice."

Kinch couldn't help himself. "Looks to me like the colonel's already keeping you warm," he said, grinning.

Newkirk looked at him angrily. "Kinch, I'm warnin' you…"

Kinch's smile grew bigger. He and Carter turned to leave, and once Carter had exited through the opening behind the cement block, Kinch turned back for a moment.

"You know," Kinch said as nonchalantly as possible, "You two really do make a cute couple." At that point he couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing out loud.

"Kinch!" Newkirk shouted, furious, but the sergeant had already left.

After Carter and Kinch had gone, Newkirk realized he was once again alone with Hogan. He shifted on the cot uncomfortably, trying to put whatever tiny amount of distance he could between himself and the colonel. Just then Hogan let go of Newkirk's shoulder and, reaching up with his hand, began to stroke the Englishman's hair. Newkirk looked at Hogan with irritation, reached back with his own hand and grabbed it, pulling it away from his head.

"What did I tell you, Colonel?" Newkirk asked, glaring at him.

Hogan began to look fearful. "I'm sorry, Newkirk, it's just…"

"Just what?"

Hogan sighed. "I love you."

Newkirk stared at him. He opened his mouth a few times to say something, and then changed his mind and shut it again. At last he said, "I know, sir, but remember what I told you. You're not to be tryin' anythin' with me, or I'll bloody leave, and I won't come back this time. You don't want that, do you?"

Hogan's eyes grew wide with fear. "No! Please, you can't leave, Newkirk! I'm sorry, I'll do what you say…"

Newkirk reached over and clapped Hogan on the shoulder. "Fair enough. Now, 'ow about instead of huggin' me, you just 'old my 'and for a while?"

Hogan looked disappointed, but he latched onto Newkirk's hand and held it tightly. "Okay," he said, then went back to gazing at him.

Newkirk flashed him a small smile, and then looked at his watch. He let out a huge sigh as he realized that Hogan had been drugged only an hour ago. That meant twenty-three more hours to go. _Blimey, I'll never make it!_

* * * * * *

LeBeau popped in a while later, bringing them two blankets and some of the dinner that was supposed to be for the party earlier. Newkirk extricated his hand from Hogan's grasp and convinced him to have something to eat, and let him do the same. LeBeau watched the interaction between them with the same amused look that Kinch had had on his face earlier, and Newkirk wasn't sure who he was more annoyed at anymore; LeBeau and Kinch, or Hogan.

When they'd finished, LeBeau left, and Hogan again started to wrap his arms around Newkirk. The corporal countered by telling him they had blankets now, and he didn't need Hogan's help to keep him warm. Hogan was predictably upset, until Newkirk agreed to sit next to him on the cot, leaning on him after they made themselves comfortable by scooting back against the wall. They sat there for a while, growing steadily more tired, and then Newkirk finally let out a huge yawn.

"I'm gettin' a mite sleepy, Colonel," Newkirk said, leaning harder against Hogan, his eyelids drooping. "'Ope you don't mind if I close me eyes for a bit…" then he was out.

* * * * * *

Newkirk woke up gradually as the post-dawn light began to creep through the window, becoming aware of his situation slowly; each sensation invading his consciousness one at a time. He was lying on his side, and he was warm; that was the first thing he noticed. He felt arms around him, and he, in turn, was apparently reciprocating. He tried to imagine who it could be…had he gone into town last night? He smiled as the thought of waking up with a pretty Fraulein entered his mind, and he tightened his hold on the warm body lying next to him. When the person in his arms did the same, he let out a small pleasant sigh and opened his eyes, expecting to see a soft, feminine face gazing at him, smiling sweetly.

The face was smiling sweetly, all right, but it was Colonel Hogan!

Newkirk's eyes instantly widened with shock, and he scrambled off the cot, stumbling once before finding his feet. He stared in complete confusion at Hogan, who was still lying there, looking back at him with a profoundly sad and disappointed expression, and at last it came back to him why he'd been in bed with his Commanding Officer. He shook his head to clear the remnants of sleep away, and then sat down on the edge of the cot, reaching over and patting Hogan's shoulder, smiling at him, trying to console him before the colonel lost it again.

Hogan predictably sat up and threw his arms around Newkirk, drawing him close, and the Englishman sighed, this time in resignation.

* * * * * *

It was mid-morning when Carter appeared with their breakfast. Once again Newkirk had to extricate himself from Hogan's grasp before they could eat. Carter, who still couldn't seem to fathom the gaga expression that the Colonel was aiming at Newkirk, spent the whole time staring at him like he was an alien from Mars that had just sprouted antennae.

When Hogan and Newkirk had finished eating, Carter left, and Newkirk spent the next several hours trying to pacify Hogan with as little physical contact as he could get away with. Every so often Hogan would reach for his hair or his face, and he'd have to intercept his hand, reminding him of their agreement.

As the afternoon grew late, Doctor Vogel showed up, and after a brief check-up, told the corporal that Hogan was responding as he should be. Newkirk asked him if the colonel would remember his behavior while he'd been 'under the influence', so to speak, and the doctor informed him that it was unlikely. Then Vogel left, promising to return around the time that Hogan would be coming out of it.

The next few hours seemed to pass just a bit faster after that. When Newkirk checked his watch, he noticed with an excited anticipation that there was only a half-hour or so left before the drug was supposed to wear off. As if on cue, Hogan suddenly became very tired, and Newkirk suggested he stretch out on the cot. The colonel complied, but not without Newkirk sitting by him so he could hold his hand. Hogan was soon asleep, and Newkirk removed his hand and went to stand on the other side of the cell for a while, breathing a huge sigh of relief. It looked like he was going to survive with his sanity, after all.


	5. Things are never as they seem

A/N: I'd just like to thank you all so much for your reviews! I had a wonderful time writing this story, and if you've enjoyed it, and it's made you laugh, then it's done its job!

* * *

Newkirk began to pace the cell soon after Hogan fell asleep, while keeping a concerned eye on the Colonel. He was relieved to be free from his grasp at last, but he couldn't help worrying about the condition Hogan would be in when he woke up. Would the drug still be affecting him, or would he be back to normal? And would there be any lasting effects, either mentally or physically? As he turned the corner he glanced at him again, wondering when he was going to wake up.

He didn't have long to wait. At that moment Hogan stirred on the cot, and then let out a small groan. Newkirk went over to him, but instead of taking a seat next to the colonel, he just leaned over him.

"Colonel, are you awake?" Newkirk asked, placing his hand on Hogan's shoulder.

Hogan opened his eyes. He blinked a few times and then squinted up at the corporal, muttering, "Newkirk, is that you?"

A sense of déjà vu hit Newkirk as he replied, "Yes, sir, it's me. It's Newkirk. 'Ow are you feelin'?"

Hogan appeared to contemplate it for a moment. "Okay, I think," he answered at last. "What happened?" He glanced around the room and then quickly sat up, becoming aware of his surroundings. "What are we doing in the cooler?"

Newkirk smiled wide. "It's a long story, Colonel. I'll tell you later."

Just then the door to the cell opened, and Schultz stepped aside to let Colonel Klink enter, along with Doctor Vogel. They both noticed Hogan sitting up on the cot, and Newkirk standing next to him. Vogel immediately went over to check on Hogan.

"Well, Hogan, it looks like you and Corporal Newkirk survived the night," Klink announced smugly.

"The night?" Hogan exclaimed, "How long have I been out, anyway?"

"Oh, approximately twenty-four hours, Colonel," Vogel replied as he examined him. "And you haven't been exactly, 'out'."

"Well, what, then?"

Vogel ignored his question. "How are you feeling?" He asked, instead.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Hogan replied, a bit irritably. "I'm fine. I'd just like to know what's going on, and what I'm doing in here."

Vogel, satisfied that Hogan was all right physically, said, "What's the last thing you remember, Colonel?"

Hogan frowned. "I was at Klink's dinner party, and there was a lovely Fraulein sitting next to me, and then…then I woke up here."

Vogel nodded. "It's as I suspected. It happens to all of our subjects."

"Subjects?" Hogan's eyes narrowed with suspicion, "What are you talking about? Did you do something to me…?"

Klink, Vogel, and Newkirk exchanged glances.

"Well?" Hogan's voice was rising in anger.

Vogel decided to be brave. "Well, Colonel, last night you were given an experimental drug. It's supposed to make you susceptible to revealing information you might not normally be willing to disclose."

"You mean, like truth serum?"

Vogel cleared his throat. "Not exactly…"

"Then what, exactly?" Hogan asked; the annoyance back in his voice.

Vogel looked at Hogan nervously. "I'd rather not get into it right now, Colonel. Suffice it to say; however, that it, ah, didn't work correctly this time."

Hogan glared at him. "Now look, doctor, if you're gonna give me some experimental drug, then you better tell me what it did to me!"

"Now, Hogan," Klink interjected, "The doctor just told you it didn't work. Besides, you're fine now," then he looked at Vogel, "Right?"

"Oh, yes, Colonel," Vogel nodded enthusiastically, "The drug is quite harmless, actually."

"How do you know, if it's experimental?" Hogan snapped.

"That's enough, Hogan!" Klink exclaimed. "I was going to let you and your corporal return to the barracks, but perhaps I should make you stay in the cooler for another night."

"No, that's okay, Kommandant," Hogan replied, trying to reign in his anger, "I'd rather not stay in here, if it's all the same to you."

Klink smiled. "That's what I thought. All right, you and Corporal Newkirk may go back to your barracks, as soon as Doctor Vogel is finished with you."

"I'm finished, Colonel Klink," Vogel stated.

"Very well," Klink turned towards the cell door and shouted, "Schultz! Take these prisoners back to their barracks right away."

Schultz appeared in the doorway and motioned for Hogan and Newkirk to follow him. Hogan got up and flashed an irritated look at first the doctor, then Klink before heading towards the door. Newkirk started to follow him, but stopped when he felt the doctor's hand on his arm.

"I just wanted to warn you, Corporal," Vogel whispered to him, "Sometimes there can be lingering effects of the drug, if you understand what I mean."

Newkirk shot him a surprised look, and when Vogel nodded his head, looking at him with a serious expression, he inwardly rolled his eyes. _Blimey, this is never goin' to end!_

Schultz escorted the men to Barracks two, and after they entered, Hogan made a beeline for his quarters, flashing a look at Newkirk that made it clear he wanted the corporal to join him. Newkirk obeyed, secretly wishing he could just run out of the camp and be alone for awhile.

When they got inside, Hogan motioned to Newkirk to take a seat on the bench next to his desk, while he sat down on his chair. He clasped his hands and plopped them on top of the wooden table, and looked expectantly at the corporal.

Newkirk cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably. "Colonel, I suppose you want me to tell you what 'appened while you were, uh, drugged, don't you?" He'd been avoiding Hogan's gaze while he spoke, but now he looked at the colonel, and wasn't sure what to make of the expression Hogan had on his face.

"Before you say anything, Newkirk," Hogan said, "There's something I have to tell you."

Newkirk swallowed hard, staring at the strange look Hogan was giving him. "Colonel," he replied tentatively, "I don't know where you're goin' with this, but…"

"I wasn't drugged," Hogan stated, interrupting him.

Newkirk's mouth was still hanging open from his unfinished dialogue. His chin dropped a bit further as he took in what Hogan had just told him. His eyes widened with shock, and at last he blurted out, "What?"

"I was faking it," Hogan replied calmly.

Newkirk couldn't have looked more surprised if Hogan was pointing a gun at him. "You were…fakin' it?" He finally exclaimed, incredulously.

Just then there was a knock on the door to Hogan's quarters, and after Hogan called out, "Come in," Kinch opened the door and entered.

"Welcome back, Colonel, Newkirk," he said, glancing from one to the other, the corner of his mouth raising slightly when he looked at Newkirk and saw his shocked expression. Then he turned his attention back to Hogan "I wanted to let you know, sir, that the drug is on its way. We sent it out with the sergeant who left tonight, and he's gonna take it to London."

Newkirk's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets. "All right, that's it!" He yelled out, "One of you better tell me what the bloody 'ell is goin' on, 'ere!" His words were still echoing through the room when LeBeau and Carter came hurrying into Hogan's quarters.

"Is everything all right, Colonel?" LeBeau said, "I heard shouting…"

"Me, too!" Carter cut in, sounding worried.

"Everything's fine," Hogan answered, "I was just about to fill Newkirk here in on what happened last night."

"Oh," LeBeau nodded, smiling now.

"Well, go on then," Newkirk replied with more than a slight edge to his voice, "Let's 'ere it, _sir_."

Hogan cleared his throat and then began. "Well, it turns out London already knows how the drug works, they just needed us to get a sample to send to them. They also knew that it would most likely be slipped into my drink, so I made arrangements with LeBeau to switch glasses with me when I went into the kitchen to clean myself up."

"So that hors d'oeuvres you dropped on your lap, you did that on purpose?" Newkirk asked, still not quite believing what he was hearing.

"Yes, I did," Hogan answered, and then continued, "After I handed my drink to LeBeau, he poured some brandy into an identical glass, and that's what I brought back with me when I came back to the parlor."

"And then I poured the Colonel's drink into the container I had with me, and gave it to Kinch so he could take it back to the barracks." LeBeau added. "Simple!"

Newkirk was getting angrier by the second. "So you were all in on it, were you?" He said, glancing around the room and glaring at his comrades. He could clearly see the smirks on Kinch and LeBeau's faces, and his anger intensified.

"I wasn't!" Carter exclaimed, looking as surprised as Newkirk had when Hogan first told him.

Newkirk's gaze landed once again on Hogan. He didn't notice LeBeau quietly slip out of Hogan's quarters. "Mind tellin' me why you left me out, Colonel?" He asked quietly, but there was a distinctively ominous tone to his voice.

"London's orders," Hogan stated as calmly as possible. "In addition to the sample, they wanted me to discredit the drug, but to tell as few of my men as possible; that way there'd be less chance of a slip-up. You know, Newkirk, I was originally going to pretend to fall in love with Fraulein Jung and feed her false information, but when you decided to come bursting in through the window, I figured I could do more to discredit the effects of the drug by 'falling in love' with you. Besides, you were being very persistent in trying to wake me up."

Newkirk's expression decided to add baffled and hurt to the anger that was already there. "But, sir, why didn't you tell me? You know what a good actor I am…"

Hogan looked at him with sympathy. "I know, Newkirk, but I wanted your reaction to be genuine."

Carter, who was still processing the fact that Hogan had been pretending, now piped up. "Well, you sure fooled me, Colonel! I thought you were really drugged. I mean, the way you were acting with Newkirk…"

"And 'ow about that, Colonel?" Newkirk cut in, his anger flaring up again, "You tried to kiss me!"

Kinch and Carter's jaws dropped in unison.

"Oh, I knew you wouldn't let me," Hogan replied confidently, "Besides, I wouldn't have gone through with it, anyway. I do have standards, you know."

If looks could kill, Hogan would have died on the spot. "So, it was all an act, was it?" Newkirk retorted, "You put me through all that, just so you could…"

"Look, I don't blame you for being angry, Newkirk," Hogan cut in.

"Angry?" Newkirk shouted, jumping to his feet, "Angry? I just spent twenty-four 'ours in the cooler, puttin' up with you pawin' at me…bloody right, I'm angry!" Newkirk stopped to catch his breath, and then continued in a somewhat more controlled voice, "As a matter of fact, Colonel, I think I'll just be escapin' out of 'ere, meself, and 'ead back to London. I've 'ad all I can bloody take of this!" He turned and stomped out of the room, determined to pack up what he could take with him, and go sulk down in the tunnel until the next sub could come to pick him up. But as he exited Hogan's quarters, the most delicious aroma hit him like a smack in the face, and he stopped in his tracks. He looked at LeBeau, who had apparently just finished cooking something wonderful on the stove, and was dishing it onto a plate. LeBeau turned around and held the plate out to him.

"It's for you, mon ami," LeBeau told him; a big smile forming on his face.

Newkirk's eyes widened again, and he looked at the plate, stunned, and then at LeBeau. "Is that…fish and chips?"

LeBeau's smile grew wider. "Oui, Newkirk. I made it just for you." He set the plate down on the table and motioned to his English friend to take a seat. Newkirk hesitated for only a second, then sat down and began to eat. It was almost as good as anything he would have gotten in London, and he moaned with delight.

"But, how," Newkirk asked between bites, "Where did you get…"

LeBeau leaned in and whispered, "It's a secret."

By this time Hogan, Kinch, and Carter had joined Newkirk and LeBeau in the main barracks. Newkirk looked up at Hogan, his anger dissipating, and, after swallowing his latest mouthful, glanced at the others and said, "Don't think I'm goin' to forgive you this easy."

"What if I let you go into town this weekend?" Hogan offered, "Give you a chance to meet up with a pretty Fraulein?"

Newkirk looked at Hogan and frowned. At last he replied, "Make it the next three weekends, Colonel."

Hogan grinned. "All right, Newkirk, the next three weekends it is."

Now it was Carter's turn to smile. "So, does this mean you're staying, Newkirk?" He asked excitedly.

Newkirk glanced at Carter and smiled back. "Yes, Andrew, it does. But on one condition."

Carter looked at him questioningly. "What's that?"

Newkirk looked back at Hogan and exclaimed, "Don't you ever bloody do that to me again!"

THE END


End file.
